Oh Scrap!
by SpeaksInRiddles
Summary: AU of the TFP Episode 'Scrapheap'. Because I can. And because I am laughing my ass off at all the ideas spawning from this. It might become a series of oneshots.
1. Scrapheap part 1

"No Scrappy! Bad!", Raf told her firmly after they pried her of Bumblebee.

Scrappy Prime's eyes grew, if possible, even larger, but she timidly closed her mouth. She tilted her head and chittered, before imperiously dismissing the Autobots with a role of her optics, turning her attention back to Raf's ministrations, who cooed at her. The 'Bots openly gaped at this behaviour.

"But they're Small! Uncontrollable! Many! They eat 'Bots like us for breakfast!", Bulkhead said hysterically.

"Is there a problem with being small?", Miko interjected, her eyebrow raised.

"Doesn't seem to uncontrollable to me!", Raf agreed.

"And I don't see any ot...", Jack turned around at the sound of metal hitting metal. Behind them was an army of scraplets, all staring reverently at Raf. "Okay, you've got a point at the many..."

"... But somehow I don't think they're going to risk Raf's wrath by eating you...", Miko finished for him, pointing at the scraplets as they tried and failed to discreetly inch closer to the boy, failing in the 'discreet' part that is.

She perked up, a wicked idea having crossed her mind. "And imagine what they can do to any Decepticon Invaders! They're going to kick ass!"

The Autobots shared a hesitant glance.

This was going to come back to bite them in the asses. Literally perhaps. "Miko", Bulkhead voiced, "Do you think that's wise?"

The girl shrugged. "You only live once..."

Bulkhead faceservo'd at her choice of words. "That's exactly what I'm afraid of", he complained plainly.

Not being used to being the voice of reason, he turned to look at Arcee and Ratchet.

The First squirmed uncomfortably, "They are kind of cute when they're not trying to eat us", she hedged. Bulkhead couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"As long as they don't eat anything I need...", Ratchet said plainly.

Yeah, the world had definitely gone insane behind his back.

He needed some High-grade. Badly.


	2. Scrapheap part 2

Optimus Prime didn't know what to think. He onlined and offlined his optics in disbelieve, not able to compute what he was seeing over the video-link.

Was Ratchet really ignoring the fact that the children and Arcee were playing around with... scraplets?

Scraplets of all things!

He decided to just voice it.

"Are those scraplets?"

"Yes Optimus, they are", Ratchet absentmindedly responded. "They, however, seem to worship Raf for some reason. They won't risk earning his displeasure by eating us 'Bots after the first time."

"First time!", the mech parroted alarmed.

"Ah... Only superficial damage, I assure you."

This... Somehow... Wasn't what he had expected to happen while he was on a solo-mission to the Arctic. What was it with this planet and it's way to throw him off-kilter?

But sure, lets roll with it, Autobots!


	3. Con Job

Wheeljack couldn't help but shudder, as he thought back to his time on Earth.

Primus! He was glad to get away from there!

Almost immediately after entering the atmosphere, he had been botnapped by the 'Cons, who proceeded to send Makeshift in, looking like him, to infiltrate the Autobots and activate the Groundbridge.

He succeeded, just as Wheeljack had broken free and was engaging the cons.

The Decepticons had not been prepared for what was to come however, as almost immediately a horde of scraplets flew out to attack the Vehicons and Starscream. Soundwave too for that matter, although the latter made a quick escape.

The sight was horrible, and reminded him all to keenly of friends he had lost to the little pests.

Nevertheless, he charged through the 'bridge, despite the scraplets eating him alive. Mid-transition he had realized it might not have been the wisest decision, as it would bring the scraplets to an allied base, but by then his momentum was too great to stop.

He had heard several sharp intakes of air, before everything mercifully went black.

When he woke up later in Ratchet's care the wrecker was a wreck, but physically and emotionally. The sight of waking up to a scrapling looming over his optics didn't help either.

He screamed. Possibly like a little girl, although the big bad wrecker would never admit it.

A lot of explanations and attempts to soothe him later he was somewhat calm, if not afraid that he would catch the same glitch the others seemed to have gained. Because... Scraplets!

They had gone crazy, it was the only explanation.

Arcee was cooing at the scraplet on her shoulder, and Ratchet and Prime seemed to ignore the ones that had attached themselves to them with nonchalant ease.

His buddy Bulkhead, the only remotely sane one amongst them, had overloaded himself into going along with it. As long as there was High-grade, he would not be a paranoid mess.

For a given value of it.

So yes, Wheeljack took the first chance he had to get away from the crazies, first friendly contact in a long time or not.

Something clinked on the metal of his shoulder.

He looked at his side and screamed. Again.

One of the fragging things had snuck in!

The scraplet screamed in response, opening its mouth wide in the process, all teeth visible.

Wheeljack couldn't take it anymore, and fainted.

The scraplet designated Scrapper cuddled up in the lap of the bot. She was getting tired.

Tomorrow was going to be so much fun!


End file.
